Musings on spam (not the meat product)
I’m not sure if anyone else ever takes the time to read junk e-mails that don’t get filtered out, but it’s amazing what you’ll find there. For example, in an email that professes to be an Investor Alert(!) from an ethanol company it opens with the following sentence…
”Most people believe that the gentle umbrella often satiates a football team of another ocean, but they need to remember how seldom the geosynchronous light bulb takes a coffee break.”
How seldom indeed. Quite profound! But it doesn’t stop there…
“If the cheese wheel sanitizes a spider, then an umbrella daydreams.”
Clearly the writer is well-versed in the logic of if/then statements. Which brings me to a question- are there real people writing these things? Because I’m sorry to say but I think their vocabulary far exceeds the utilization of their skills. Geosynchronous? I looked it up, and apparently it’s a synonym for geostationary which means: of or pertaining to a satellite traveling in an orbit 22,300 miles (35,900 km) above the earth's equator: at this altitude, the satellite's period of rotation, 24 hours, matches the earth's and the satellite always remains in the same spot over the earth.
Umm…what?
And on my second point, what exactly is the point of this email? I’ve never looked at them so in-depth, but you can’t click anywhere in it, and there are no hazardous attachments. So are they actually trying to get me to invest money in this ethanol company? And how many people are there in the world that would read this gobbely gook, take it seriously AND happen to have investment accounts that they personally dabble in daily? I’m not trying to be classist here by any means, but it seems like the type of person who’s going to be personally handling their stocks might be above this type of literary trickery. And if the spam people are taking the time to write these lovely sentences, why not write real sentences that at least sound like they might be related to the topic at hand? Seems like you might sway at least one or two more people that way.
But I’ve gone off course and analyzed this entirely too in-depth, especially since I only wanted to share with you the profound wisdom I have delivered to my inbox everyday free of charge. Geosynchronous, who would have known? I’d like to try to incorporate it somehow into my vocabulary but somehow the opportunity to use it in a sentence just hasn’t presented itself yet.
”Most people believe that the gentle umbrella often satiates a football team of another ocean, but they need to remember how seldom the geosynchronous light bulb takes a coffee break.”
How seldom indeed. Quite profound! But it doesn’t stop there…
“If the cheese wheel sanitizes a spider, then an umbrella daydreams.”
Clearly the writer is well-versed in the logic of if/then statements. Which brings me to a question- are there real people writing these things? Because I’m sorry to say but I think their vocabulary far exceeds the utilization of their skills. Geosynchronous? I looked it up, and apparently it’s a synonym for geostationary which means: of or pertaining to a satellite traveling in an orbit 22,300 miles (35,900 km) above the earth's equator: at this altitude, the satellite's period of rotation, 24 hours, matches the earth's and the satellite always remains in the same spot over the earth.
Umm…what?
And on my second point, what exactly is the point of this email? I’ve never looked at them so in-depth, but you can’t click anywhere in it, and there are no hazardous attachments. So are they actually trying to get me to invest money in this ethanol company? And how many people are there in the world that would read this gobbely gook, take it seriously AND happen to have investment accounts that they personally dabble in daily? I’m not trying to be classist here by any means, but it seems like the type of person who’s going to be personally handling their stocks might be above this type of literary trickery. And if the spam people are taking the time to write these lovely sentences, why not write real sentences that at least sound like they might be related to the topic at hand? Seems like you might sway at least one or two more people that way.
But I’ve gone off course and analyzed this entirely too in-depth, especially since I only wanted to share with you the profound wisdom I have delivered to my inbox everyday free of charge. Geosynchronous, who would have known? I’d like to try to incorporate it somehow into my vocabulary but somehow the opportunity to use it in a sentence just hasn’t presented itself yet.
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